Stillness around the Flames

 

Sitting under a night sky full of stars, looking deep into the flames, she forgot she was surrounded by a beach full of names. People behind the names. People from all around. People she knew nothing about. People she had never met. People she wouldn't meet ever again. Or maybe she would...

Floating ashes and falling soot from intensely flickering flames made her forget everything from the surroundings and focus on the smoke that's freed from burning wood now and then. For a moment, as if there was no one around. It was just herself and that bright burning bonfire.

No matter how loud the music was, the only thing she could hear at the moment was her heartbeats; loud and clear. Despite the roaring sea breeze filled with moisture and salt, the only thing that touched her right now was her breath; deep and intense. Despite campers going all 'gung ho' for the New Year's celebration on the beach, the only thing she could feel at this very moment was the stillness of the moment and beaming Bonfire blazing before her. She found peace amid chaos. Solitude amid the crowd. Serenity amid the noise. Tranquility amid the commotion.

...And this is what she was here for. To calm the storms she's been carrying for so long. To stop thinking about where she belongs. To forget where she's from. To wander around the places where nobody knows her. To go lost into the crowd where nobody finds her. To just be another camper in hundreds of people. To just be a face one would see and never recall. To just be a name one would hardly even notice.

Because she's TIRED... She's tired of all the attention she gets. She's tired of being nice to the people she wants to punch in the face. She's tired of pretending to be someone she's not. She's tired of conforming to the norms and whatnot. She's tired of following through millions of undone ticks. She's tired of all these voices in her mind. She's tired of facing the world out there. She's tired of a whole lot of people out there who are waiting for her to make one mistake, or falter, even a little bit, to be able to point her out.

Due to the risk of sounding negative, which she doesn't want to at all, she's been carrying this deep down inside whole this time that she's tired of all the love and care she gets. She thinks she doesn't deserve this much at all. She thinks she's been blessed with far more than she asked for. She's grateful for the love she receives and for the friends she has. But these constantly nagging thoughts in her mind, ruin it for her.

For once, she wants to forget who she is and who she's supposed to be. For once, she wants to just be in the moment, noticing little things a moment has to offer. For once, she doesn't want to be available for anyone out there but to herself. For once she wants to stare deep into the light that awaits her...

And this is what she's doing at the moment... Sitting under a night sky full of stars, looking deep into the flames, she forgot she was surrounded by a beach full of names…